So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
