I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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