My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
