so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
