just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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