How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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