i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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