Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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