Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
