Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
