I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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