So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
