I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
