Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you traded sex for a burrito?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
