I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
