had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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