Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
