dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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