"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
