Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
