Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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