i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
