How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So vagazzling was a success
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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