A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
