I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
