please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
