I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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