I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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