I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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