like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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