do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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