I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
