He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
