I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
