Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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