i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
