You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
