piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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