funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
