Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
