Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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