Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
