He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
