If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
