Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
