Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
