I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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