She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
