it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
