i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
