I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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